This is the richest autumn I have known. The colours of the trees seem to call to me, to blaze at me. Magically golden glints of amazement. I am here! I am here! I am here!
Overwhelm prevented me really being here, really experiencing, really seeing these colours.
And it wasn’t from lack of effort. I remember walking across the playground to my classroom purposefully noticing the beautiful tree that was dropping its leaves. But my heart was desperate. Every cell in my body was screaming ‘run away, run away – get out of here!’
But I forced this poor body through the sheer hell of serving my notice and it has taken me what has felt like ‘a very long time’ to recover. To ache less – to feel less like I’ve been sprinting marathons -even though, in reality, I could scarcely get out of bed and my yoga practice needed to become slower and slower until it almost stilled.
I learnt so much on my journey back to health and wellbeing. So much that it is not ‘back’ but forward. Like I’ve collected gold coins and treasure along the way. And reached a far dream destination but I’m no longer swept up on a shingly beach, being battered by the changing tides.
What I learnt on the way nourishes me and teaches me how to live now. A whole new chapter with greater capacity for joy – quite literally. Because now when I purposefully take the moment to gaze at the beautiful golden leaves, I see orange, red, crimson, aliveness – my heart unfolding, expanding, soaking it all in. I am alive, I am here, I am me.